I want to be prepared next time someone asks me.

Awesome!

When I was writing the book, I never really thought about promoting the book. Sure, in some abstract sense I envisioned being in a bookstore, and the book being there, and somehow it selling and everyone would be happy, but I didn’t really think about reading from my own writing – in public – over and over again. There’s an odd contrast to my writing style: sitting alone in my dirty, cramped “office” for two years avoiding friends, and the everybody-come! nature of public event promotion.

Last Thursday was my first reading ever, for anything. I attended a local Open Mic for years and watched my friends perform without ever feeling the need to do it myself but you know, if you put out a book, you have to support it.

The reading was at 7 PM and, of course Laurie and I got there way early. At around 6:30 we walked into Books Inc. Berkeley. There was no one there I recognized. Actually, that’s not right. That implies that there were people there… There were four Books Inc. workers and possibly two browsers* in the historical autobiography section. I was absolutely convinced in that moment that this would be the worst night of my life.

There is something freeing about that. I actually started to get less nervous. I think it’s worse to be the organizer than the “performer” at an event that no one shows up to. I once put on a punk show at Epicenter for one of my favorite SF bands, one that played the very first real punk show I went to. I thought their reunion show would organize itself and people would be super excited to see them. Unfortunately I forgot that much of the SF punk scene at that time were people who grew up outside the Bay Area – or too young to have heard of them — and no one cared. The night of the show I was calling all my friends – even if they hated punk — begging them to come because I was so embarrassed. The band wasn’t happy, but they were nice. “We’ll just treat it like a practice,” and they did, playing an awesome set of early ‘80s punk to the four of us.

I thought, ok… payback time. I had no idea that Frightwig had such karmic pull.

At about 6:45 though, people started to arrive. Then more people came. Then more… People from all over my life (kinda like the book itself): my brother, high school friends, late ‘80s punk friends, cheese distributors, co-workers, zine friends, even my 8th grade creative writing teacher!** More people than I ever imagined showed up and I am deeply grateful. The reading went well (so people told me) and there was cheese (Thanks Sheana!)

Here I am in action:

It was such a relief to get this out of the way. Only about another 15 events to go… Time to start getting nervous again.

Next up March 13, San Francisco(at Amnesia Bar, hosted by Modern Times)*** and March 14, Marin (Book Passage in Corte Madera). Cheese will be served.

*Browser is a funny word. Here of course it means bookstore lurker. For most people its that thing that gets them to their websites. For dairy people it means grazing mammal. Just thought I’d throw that out there.
**He was an awesome teacher and facebook just reconnected us. I actually use him as an example when I try to talk about Prop 13 to people. An awesome writing teacher, he also was my pre-algebra teacher because after Prop 13, the public schools had to do mass firings of teachers and press other teachers into classes they were not trained for. He valiantly tried to stay a day ahead of us in the text book, but math really wasn’t his thing. He’d often come in and start the day by saying, “Ok, I taught you something wrong yesterday…” and re-do the lesson.
*** I believe we will be giving out The Cooperative 7” records with every purchase here. We are also working on a contest with prizes, but no promises

Other upcoming events here on my events page

I am an artisan cheesemaker:

I’m not talking an every day stinky cheese, or a small, washed rind cheese that goes from box to counter in five minutes. No, I’m talking about problems, projects, and Alpine cheeses with super sticky washed rinds.

I’m not going to mention the name of the cheese that caused the problems last Saturday. I don’t need to be corrected with any “I don’t think it smells that bad”s or, worse yet have the cheesemaker or importer give me a hard time. The fact is, once it’s cut down the rind to cheese ratio makes it much less intense so most customers would never notice the way it smells when it first comes out of the cooler and gets unwrapped.

On Saturday however, people noticed. It was one of those days that we were so swamped with customers that our production slowed to a standstill, letting the smell of this little “mini-Gruyere” really get out into the atmosphere. Shoppers were wrinkling their noses. Children were asking their parents, “What’s that smell?” The produce workers were complaining.

One by one they came over to our area and asked, “What is that?” I assured them that it was cheese and that it was ok, but they were cutting me with their eyes every time they passed. One finally said, “Are you almost done with that? I’m feeling my gorge rise!”
Even after it was wrapped and put on the shelf, its smell lingered. Even an hour later my favorite vegan co-worker walked by and she noticed. Head on a swivel, she looked around the store. Then she started moving boxes around and looking under produce displays. I went over to her to let her know everything was ok.

Before I could speak she whispered, “I smell a dead rat.”

“It’s just cheese,” I said.

“No, that’s dead rat. I know.”

I walked her over to the compost and pulled out the paper that had once held our smelly Alpine friend. I held it up to her face.

“UGH! Ack!” Then she looked at me with all her vegan wrath and said, “What is wrong with you people?”

First off, the guy in this coupons dot com commercial looks pretty clean before he washes his hair in the aisle. Before someone is desperate enough to do this they have usually gotten pretty rank even by their own standards. Second, think of the slippery floor, the potential of a lawsuit and the effort it’ll take to clean all the suds off! Third he then would take off to the free sample area (which this company has another commercial about) using his hands to stuff as many as possible down his shirt while trying to elude store security.

This commercial gives me PTSD.

Hope to have a real, cheese-based, non-promotional entry soon. But hey, I guess I have kind of a tour scheduled here:

Sonoma, Berkeley, San Francisco, Petaluma, Corte Madera, Mendocino, Portland, Olympia, Bellingham, Seattle… here I come.

Pescadero, Chico, Santa Rosa, I hope to have dates soon.

Midwest, I’ll see you in the Fall.

New York, and the East… you are unscheduled as yet. Blame the Fancy Food Show for turning down my panel proposal. (Heh, maybe if more than 4 people had shown up last time I was on a panel…)

Not only does she call me the Barbara Mandrell of the cheese counter, but who could ask for better praise than this:

I bought and sped read his book last week as a writing assignment for a magazine and have to admit I was not looking forward to it, as I’ve really started dreading reading cheese books. Most of the cheese guides hitting the book stores these days are full of pretentious verbiage written by people who assume that by reputation alone, they are THE authority on cheese.

Not Gordon.

I’m totally gonna start putting peanuts in my Coke.